Jain Journal 1982 04

Author(s): Jain Bhawan Publication
Publisher: Jain Bhawan Publication

Page 43

176
Curiously, nowhere does Banarasi speak of himself as the leader of these Gnyātās ...
JAIN JOURNAL
...One may be inclined to think that he was being modest. But this seems a feeble and inadequate reason for his silence on a major aspect of his life, particularly in a work where the very purpose was to relate his life story. One would rather have expected him to be more than usually eloquent on this subject. The reason for his silence, we think, can only be understood if we take into account the audience he had in mind. He was addressing his autobiography to his Adhyatma friends, more particularly, perhaps, his five close companions. These, he knew, were only too familiar with the nature of his association with Adhyatma. He therefore, felt no need to dilate on this aspect of his life in relating to them his life story.
One leitmotive runs like a strong undercurrent throughout the Ardhakathanaka : Banarasi's intense involvement with religion. Though he reacted differently to it at different stages of his life, the authenticity of his involvement never wavered. For twelve years of his life before he wrote his autobiography, he had passed through a long and tortuous period of spiritual conflict. His study of certain Jain mystic tracts and the discussions he held with friends on Jain doctrines concerning the deepest religious life, convinced him that the truth of the spirit, the knowledge of which leads to liberation, lies beyond all forms, rituals and ordained conventional practices. He had a staunch faith in the stringent observances decreed by his religion, but as he became convinced of their hollowness, he began to neglect them, even to the extent of displaying rank disrespect and disdain towards them. He pondered deeply and constantly on the nature of mystic truth and his sense of the emptiness and meaninglessness of all rituals and ordained forms of religion grew with the year. But, as he confesses, he had yet no inkling of the inner truth...
In his contempt for all formal expressions of religion, he had begun to scoff even at the ways of saints and men of the spirit. In the company of some sacrilegious friends, he was wont to make indecent fun of even the highest ascetic and mystic life. The knowledge of his scandalous behaviour spread quickly, earning him considerable disrepute among the Jains of Agra...
Later he came to realize that rituals too had their place in the spiritual life, that they were stepping-stones on the way to the formless spirit, and he regretted his earlier follies. He had by now become the leader