Jain Journal 1979 01

Author(s): Jain Bhawan Publication
Publisher: Jain Bhawan Publication

Page 20

106
abloom in the depth of the darkness of the barren heart, it had not dried or fallen by the heat of the unfavourable wind.
She then gave herself to more austerities. She almost became cruel to herself. But in spite of all these she could not pull her up. Her desires became more misty like the mist of autumn sky. She even dreamt of liberation, liberation not of the Siddhas but liberation from this dry barren and unfulfilled life. She was dreaming of a life which would be hillarious in dances, songs, kisses and passionate embraces. Her eyes glistened like the eyes of the wild doe, shivering in sweet expectation as these thoughts imported the promise of excitement in fleeting moments.
JAIN JOURNAL
She became still more harsh to her self and subjected it to more and more rituals. And one day she went to the nun Gopalika and asked for her permission to go to the Subhumibhaga garden and concentrate in propitiating the sun.
But the permission was not given. She was told that it was not proper for the nuns to propitiate the sun in the open.
'Why its not proper?' asked Sukumarika in her heart. She was depressed at the refusal. When she was householder, the nuns never went against her but now why they were so unkind? She felt a pain in her heart. She would propitiate the sun in the open.
But then?
What then-she knew not.
Ignoring the refusal she went to the garden for propitiating the sun. Facing the sun she tried to concentrate at her self.
Time passed but the restlessness of her heart died not.
The sun was setting slowly. The darkness of night was falling. All the creepers and trees were becoming shadowy. Suddenly she heard someone speaking to her, 'Oh nun, what do you want?'
'What do I want?' As she began to search her mind she saw two beautiful eyes which were shimmering with love like the waves of the sea in response to the moon. She was fascinated.
'What do you want ?' the question was repeated for the second time.