Jain Journal 1978 10

Author(s): Jain Bhawan Publication
Publisher: Jain Bhawan Publication

Page 28

OCTOBER, 1978
Again he heard that voice: 'No, Nandisen, you have not yet seen that desire which lies in the innermost region of your heart. But I am seeing it vividly, nakedly. You have a desire for woman, you have to get her yet as a mistress. So I am asking you to desist from taking initiation just now.
Wonderstruck was Nandisen. But he could not find any desire for a woman even after a careful examination of the depths of his own heart. His heart is hard and unbreakable like that stone slab lying in front of him in the water over which the water could flow murmuring gently but could not melt it or break it.
71
So ignoring that advice Nandisen came and stood at the gates of Gunasila Caitya.
Nandisen took initiation at the hands of Mahavira.
Even Mahavira had asked him not to take initiation at that time but seeing his eagerness he initiated him at last.
Nandisen also told him of the footsteps and the voice, but Mahavira gave no reply. A gentle smile like the rays of the moon spread on his lips and his face glowed in its light.
But as the days passed Nandisen became more and more eager for a reply because those footsteps, that voice were still haunting him. As he would try to concentrate on the scriptures under the shade of a Asoka tree he would hear light footfalls. He would see a swanlike movement, beautiful and fragile just vanishing in the shades of the wood after waving the little shafts of grass with joy. When he would try to stand erect in kayotsarga posture for meditation he would hear some voice as sweet as music. Then someone would say: 'Nandisen, this life of your penance and hardship is useless."
Nandisen also was now asking himself: Was it really useless?
Nandisen now tried to make his life still harder. Fixed for himself more rules of conduct as if by erecting the ramparts of hardship he will protect his self.
...
But that voice would laugh and then say: 'Wait Nandisen, she who will lie in your lap is within
your
self?'