Jain Digest 2005 01

Author(s): Federation of JAINA
Publisher: USA Federation of JAINA

Page 13

POWER OF GRATITUDE
One hot day, Nasruddin was taking it easy in the shade of a love, caring, support, nourishment, guidance were met. walnut tree. After a time, he started eying speculatively, the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree. Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! he mused. Just fancy letting tinny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines! Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on Mullah Nasruddin's bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said: "Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!
Coming from India to the USA during my medical residency training, evaluations I received given by the nurses said 'Dr. Pokharna is RUDE'. This was rather painful and confusing to hear since I saw myself as anything but rude. I being the youngest of seven siblings was the most 'polite' person, rather quiet and gentle in my being. How could anyone say such a thing? Let alone think such a thing. After further clarity, the nurses were referring to me not saying thank you' and 'please' in front of and at the end of anything I said.
Raised in India I never heard people verbalize emotions of gratitude. These were implied and understood. I grew up with gratitude being expressed by body language and actions and not necessarily words. There was a problem, not only because this was different behavior but many a times. Now I understand the meaning and the necessity of expressing gratitude for the ways things were said and done by others and myself. Gratitude is a way of giving feedback for how people have enriched my life.
I have found several applications to the expression of gratitude, including ways of coping and healing from the 'losses' in my life.
WAYS OF EXPRESSING GRATIDUTE
Using the 3 components of Nonviolent Communication: Observation, Feeling and Needs we say THANK YOU!. Observation: Actions that have contributed to my wellbeing: When I recall how my mom would wake up in the morning before everyone else, to make breakfast for us, prepare for our lunch and many such actions. The particular needs that were fulfilled by the action? My needs for nurturance,
JAIN DIGEST⚫ Spring 2005/11
Jain Education Intemational
Mandakini Pokharna, MD.
Feelings: The pleasure feelings that I experienced by the fulfillment of those needs. Remembering my mother's actions and the needs that were met I feel warmth in my body, a sense of deep gratitude, appreciation and joy.
KEEPING THE FOCUS
How many of us have never gotten mad at our mom? There is always something. And if nothing there is the time when she didn't allow us to play the extra minutes. Or she didn't make the food that we like on a particular occasion. Or didn't let us watch the movie we wanted, or spanked us for saying or doing something we were not supposed to have said. What we tend to focus on influences our life immensely.
I am happy and pleased when I stay connected with gratitude for her brief presence in my life and how her watching out for me and guiding me to make choices to enrich life has contributed to my well being. The focus on the lessons of tolerance, acceptance, and satisfaction gives me much strength.
Without the awareness and focus I could stay upset with life because she didn't let me have the fun I wanted to or constantly be in pain because of her absence.
GRATITUDE FUELS LIFE AND LIVING
The important piece about gratitude is that when I give verbal or written gratitude to someone providing the other with specific information of what actions of theirs made a difference in our life, it becomes a feedback and may serve as
a fuel for contributing to life moment by moment. This feedback gives us specifics for making life wonderful at all given times.
When my sister expresses gratitude by saying to me on eating the oatmeal for breakfast, "this is the world's best oatmeal". To me I feel pleased and satisfied that my efforts met her needs for taste and nourishment. So the next time I have a desire to contribute to her wellbeing I know I can make oatmeal for her breakfast.
When I express my joy for sitting in the park with warm sun shining over us and the cool breeze and us sharing of our