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Distinction between the Stimulus and Cause of our Pain
The Center for Nonviolent CommunicationSM is a nonprofit organization, operating internationally, From December 13-22, 2004 we are offering a 10 day seminar in Banglore, India. We already have 100 people registered around the world and ready for training with Marshall Rosenberg and other certified trainers. No tuition or accommodation fee is being charged for this Special IIT. If you would like 10 participate or help financially or you have any questions contact us or visit www.cnic.org
and www.journeysoflife.org
When our needs are not met then we have emotions which we do not enjoy like frustration, irritation, hurt, disappointment and anger. When our needs do get met then we have feelings we enjoy having like joy, pleasure, satisfaction, peace and harmony. Our emotions are caused by our needs that are met or unmet.
With this understanding what someone says or does, becomes a trigger for how we feel and their words and actions are not the cause. The cause of our feelings is never outside of our self, but rather our own thoughts, wants and wishes. We become angry because of the thoughts, images and interpretations of the situation and our unmet needs.
The following example will clarify and help us understand that we are responsible for how we feel in relation to our needs at that moment. There are times when some action may trigger positive emotions and the same action at another time will trigger negative emotions depending on what our need was in that given circumstance.
When my brother would come to pick me up from my work, there were times when I would call him and ask him to come get me and he would show up 20 minutes later than we had agreed on. At times when I would get delayed then I felt relieved and happy that he was late. In this situation my need for time, completion and flexibility were being met.
At other times, when I was done and ready after a hard days work then I would feel rather irritated and even sad and think he doesn't care: in this situation my need was for rest, nurturance and punctuality was not being met.
In both the situations his behavior was exactly the same but depending on my needs I felt either relieved or frustrated. I have now learnt how important it is to stay connected to what my needs are from moment to moment. The focus on needs then helps me build strategies to fulfill my needs from a place of power and truth rather than blame and hopelessness.
Nonviolent communication has served as a powerful tool to "hiss" when I am in pain, anger or conflict. I am able to prevent violence with compassion and care rather than blame and fear Contact information: ahinsa@mdiaccess.net www.journeysoflife.org 773-955 2414
You made such a beautiful house and on top of that such a beautiful temple right in the entrance, and you eat meat! Don't you feel guilty?
Well, we knew someone would make a comment about that. So we already thought about the options. Anytime we have a non-veg party. we turn the temple around
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Maheeda
20. JAIN DIGEST FALL 2004
Jain Education Interational 2010_03
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