ISJS Transactions 2018 07 To 09 Vol 02 No 03

Author(s): International School for Jain Studies
Publisher: International School for Jain Studies

Page 10

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has work and doesn't go. You are ready, and you planned for that and it is not happening and so you are aggressive, and you are cranky. He handles me. Normally our fighting [is] not more than five or ten minutes. If someone is cranky....[or] someone is aggressive, then someone is cooler. We are never aggressive at the same time. If he is angry then I am cooler and if I am angry he is cooler. So, we manage our temperament."
Like any husband and wife relationship, it can never exist without any arguments. Without differences of opinions, but there are ways of solving. And that would be again very individualistic. [For example), my husband would prefer to take 'mauna', which is silence, when he thinks there is going to be an argument. My mother-in-law says it is better to keep quiet when you have that intuitive feeling of some tension arising. So, these are some small things which people keep practicing in my house, which are all drawn from Jain tradition."
When you are committed to ahimsā, when tolerance and compassion are inculcated in any family it brings a lot of peace into the family, basically. Your relationship with mother, daughter, son, the other person or how you look at the other person. I'm not talking about violence, that is another part of the story, but I think it brings a breath of compassion towards each other.
According to one young academic householder living in a combined household, ahimsā also means not interfering with the dreams and goals of other family members:
Ahimsā is also living in equanimity.... We have given a lot of scope to every family member to [realize their own path. No one stops anyone. My father in law is in his
4 ISJS-Transactions, Vol.2, No.3, Jul-Sep, 2018
own business. He has never discouraged me or my husband not to....study, not to go out. He has never imposed anything. My mother-in-law is president, an executive member/treasurer, of several women's organizations....so she has all the ability to pursue what she wants. There are no hurdles for her.
It's a joint family and there is a generation gap. There are disagreements in our viewpoints, but we try to sit and sort out. It's never been that we have fought. Compared to Indian families where the tensions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are quite intense, I'm very fortunate to say that in twenty-two years we have never had that kind of tension. We have a lot of differences in our viewpoints. [My mother-in-law] doesn't really like me living (out of town). She loves me so much that she wants me to come back to Jaipur to do my studies. Why stay away from your family? Why stay away from your home? But [though) that difference of opinion is there....that doesn't mean we have ever fought or that we have gone to bed without speaking to each other."
Teaching Aparigraha by Example and by Precept
The Jain precept aparigraha, or non-possessiveness was interpreted with more liberality by several householder than was their interpretation of ahimsā. Some householders interpreted aparigraha in terms of non-acquisitiveness - the refusal to buy new objects or to accept gifts, while others allowed themselves to purchase what they want, as long as they keep gifting their excess to those in need. Those who remember their own mother's behavior surrounding