Book Title: Hunting In Shadows Of Raj Author(s): Philip Wollen Publisher: Philip Wollen View full book textPage 6
________________ It was as if the events of the previous night had not even happened. The machan was dismantled by the villagers. My presence, and my shame was not to be forgotten or forgiven It would simply not be discussed. In a sense, it was obliterated completely. I was never to be taken on a shooting trip again. Naturally, when we returned home to the city the following day, word had spread in the "macho" community. Philip had behaved in an inexplicable and cowardly way. Although no one said it to my face, I heard indirectly thatthe bigger boys called me a "skit". For a young boy, living under the fading shadow of the British Raj, this was the worst insult one could heap on the fragile male ego. This probably explains why I took such a keen interest in boxing, to show my mockers that I was unafraid to spill blood - or shed my own if necessary. Looking back on it now, I think I over-compensated. Always looking to get into the ring with the biggest opponent available. And where one was not available, keen to spar with the boxing instructor and hope he would accidently give me a bloodied nose, which I could deliberately instruct the "seconds" in my corner not to wipe dry. A foolish badge of honour, undoubtedly. Simply so I could proudly proclaim that I, as a bantamweight was matched against a cruiserweight and went the whole distance. But to this day I still remember with crystal clarity that strange feeling. One! had not encountered before or since; that twilight evening, deep in the jungle, when a nameless, powerless and terrified soul, a child, nestled trustingly in my boyish arms, crying for her mother, pleading and in fear, urinated in my lap. It still unleashes a deep and sinking feeling of sadness, a wretched sickness in my gut, a sense of powerlessness, emptiness and shame. Half a century later I returned to India, to the same place. The jungle was still there, only sparser. There was a machan, now in a state of disrepair, built no doubt byanother aspiring killer many years later. Tigers and panthers are rarely seen nowadays.Page Navigation
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