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The Heart of Ahimsa - By:- Hema Pokharna Ph.D.
Mahavira emphasized that all living beings,
irrespective of size, shape, form or spiritual development are equal and are worthy of love and respect. He preached universal love and stressed the importance of a having a positive attitude towards life. His message of Non-violence (Ahimsa), Truth (Satya), Non-stealing (Achaurya), Celibacy (Brahmacharya), and Non-possessiveness (Aparigraha) embodies universal compassion.
In fact, Jain Scriptures say "Ahimsa, the principle of non-violence extends not only to actions but to thoughts, words and actions." Ahimsa in practical terms is a state of the heart, which has no enemies. Respectful consideration of opponents, an honoring of their humanity and their value, is
a key element of non-violence and not an accidental by-product.
Being a true Jain means moving beyond likes and dislikes; the ability to make a mindful choice of how to respond in a given moment, with maitri, pramod, karuna and upeksha madhyasthata. It is very easy to be vegetarian, not use animal products and refrain from physical killing, but it becomes progressively difficult to be non-violent in thought. Many more people can refrain from physically violent acts than from using the language of judgments, threats or demands, which in a subtle form is violence indeed!
2015
JAINA Convention
Lord Mahavira warns us of the inherent violence in thinking and communicating by using the motivation of punishment and reward. However, in today's society, we see families, schools, workplaces, relationships and politics run on domination infused with fear, shame and guilt. We do not realise that violence only begets violence. Whenever we try to make others behave in a certain way through demanding or coercing, we evoke resistance because
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NVC is not equivalent to being permissive, or even agreeing with what others are doing in a particular moment. We do aim to get what we want, but not at anyone's expense and not causing violence or pain to the other. As
Nonviolent Communication in Marshall Rosenberg, the founder
Action
of NVC states, "our needs are met most fully and consistently when we find strategies that also meet others' needs." NVC allows us to steer away from our culturally conditioned pattern of thinking, hearing and speaking. The intention and tools empower us to state what is in our heart and empathically receive what is in the other person's heart. As with any practice, consciousness and effort are necessary.
humans have a universal need for autonomy. How do we then communicate integrating the teachings of Lord Mahavir and live in modern times? Here, Non-Violent Communication (NVC) comes to our aid. NVC is a form of communication that supports the practice of ahimsa, beginning at the root level of thought and manifesting as action. It helps to shift the thinking from being judgmental to being connected to ourselves and others by focusing on what matters most- the universal human needs like; love, care, respect etc., that all are seeking.
The process consists of four steps: Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests. Attention on needs or what matters most, is at the heart of this practice, from which the other steps arise.
OBSERVATIONS
Observation states a factual stimulus (not cause) of our reaction. Instead of, "you never tidy up after yourself. This room is a pigsty," an observation is, "I have not seen you tidy up your room in the past week." The observation is valuable because it establishes a starting point both parties can agree on
What magnficent about humans is when they decide to turn and stond If they respond with nonviolence on principle and hold their ground they are really magnificent-Sames Cromwell
Jainism World of Non-Violence
FEELINGS
We can express our feelings or guess those of others, using the pure language of 'feeling'. Feelings include: concerned, disappointed, dismayed, exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed, reluctant, shocked, uncomfortable, amazed, appreciative, excited, grateful, inspired, joyful, moved, proud, relaxed, tender, and warm. At times we may confuse feelings and thoughts. For example "I feel you are irresponsible," is not really a feeling. It is a thought.
NEEDS
Needs are the most important ingredient of Nonviolent Communication. Our needs, whether met or unmet, are the roots of our feelings. In NVC, when relating feelings to needs, we say, "I feel frustrated because I am needing respect," instead of, "You are frustrating me by talking back at me!" Inability to clearly express the need, while analysing another's actions or behaviour may sound like criticism to them.
Since all violent communication and action is simply the tragic expression of unmet needs, we can easily translate any judgments about others and ourselves into needs which seek fulfilment. By freeing ourselves from moralistic judgments, we are able to connect compassionately within and without.
REQUESTS
We wish that others did something for us only if they enjoy contributing to make our life more wonderful, along with meeting other needs of their own. With that aim in mind, Rosenberg suggests the request could be, "Hey, I'd really like you to do this, it would meet my need, but if your needs are in conflict I'd like to hear that, and let's figure out a way to get everybody's needs met." Others will tend to react or think we are making a demand if they feel they will be blamed or punished if they do not comply, and will naturally resist.
There are two kinds of requests, one is to meet a need currently not being met and the other is to determine if the required connection is there before meeting the need. To ask anyone to help meet a need of ours, we use positive language like "Would you be willing to do this for me now?" Connecting to our feelings and needs, naturally meets others need for connection too, and they are more likely to cooperate with us. Understanding their feelings and needs enables us to joyously find ways to meet both people's needs. Mutual trust and respect becomes the core of the relationship as each member of the family experiences the joy of willingly contributing to other's lives. Hope for a better, more harmonious future lies in actively choosing to start with a non-violent communication - a mindful approach to life that emerges from standing for love, courage and truth.
Additional reading:
1. Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., (2003) Life-Enriching Education, PuddleDancer Press.
2. Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., (2003) We Can Work It Out, PuddleDancer Press
3. Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., Raising Children Compassionately, PuddleDancer Press
4. Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., (2003) Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 2nd Edition
Hema Pokharna, PhD is a Collaborave and Transformational Professional Coach. Born and raised in India in the Jain family, she immigrated to the United States and became a medical researcher. She has been waining worldwide for 20 years in the disciplines of Nonviolent Communication
She serves on the board of the Council of Religious Leaders of Chicago and is Emerines Trustee on board of the Parliament
of World's Religions. She also is a member of the Jaina and JSMC interfan committee
Now-molence and truth are meparable and presuppose one another - Maluma Gandh
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| SR No. | 527538 |
| Book Title | JAINA Convention 2015 07 Atlanta GA |
| Original Sutra Author | N/A |
| Author | Federation of JAINA |
| Publisher | USA Federation of JAINA |
| Publication Year | 2015 |
| Total Pages | 124 |
| Language | English |
| Classification | Magazine, USA_Convention JAINA, & USA |
| File Size | 25 MB |