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________________ 30. jijIviSA AjathI chaMtALIsa varasa uparanI anubhavelI A eka ghaTanA che. ame sahakuTuMba te vakhate rAjakoTamAM gareDiyA kUvA pAsenA eka lohANA bhAInA makAnamAM, rastA upara paDatA bhAgamAM uparanI oraDImAM rahetAM hatAM. rAjakoTamAM te vakhate huM "zrI jinAgama prakAzaka sabhA' taraphathI jaina Agama bhagavatIsUtra'nA anuvAdanuM ne saMpAdana-saMzodhananuM kAma karato hato. bhAvanagaravALA zrI premacaMda ratanajI zeTha mArA snehI ane vizeSa paricita hatA. teo temanA jANItA koI sAdhunA snehayukta paricayane lIdhe giranAranI yAtrAe jatA hatA ane atyAre e yAda nathI ke sAdhue temane nimaMtraNa ApeluM ke teo potAnI meLe giranAra javA taiyAra thayelA. sAdhunuM tyAM makAna hatuM. e makAna gorakhamaDhI pAse ghaNuM karIne hatuM. zeTha premacaMdabhAI bAvA sAdhunA satsaMgI hatA ane bhajananA paNa rasika hatA. e bAvAjInuM nAma paNa bhUlI gayo chuM. jyAM ame giranAramAM UtarelA tyAM mukhya sAdhujI ane temanA ziSyo rahetA hatA. bahu Adara-satkArathI e sAdhujIe zeThanI ane temanI sAthe AvelA mitronI bahu sArI sarabharA karI hatI. premacaMda zeTha, munizrI jinavijayajI, huM ane zeThano rasoIyo tathA nokara eTalA jaNA ame e pravAsamAM hatA. sAdhujIe cUramAnA lADavA ane aDadanI dALanuM zAka karAveluM. A uparAMta bIjAM zAkabhAjI vagere paNa hatAM kharAM. mArI umara te vakhate lagabhaga 31 varasanI. zarIra paNa svastha. vajana 125-130nI AsapAsa. bhojananI spardhAmAM UtarI zake kharo. ame sau sAthe besIne jamaNa jamyA. thoDI vizrAMti karI. zeThane pahADamAM pharavAno ane navuM navuM jovAno paNa zokha kharo. giranAranI yAtrA A pahelAM meM eka vAra atyaMta bhaktibhAve page cAlIne karelI. paNa temAM mAtra devadarzana ja; jovAnAM sthaLo vize koI mAhitI na hatI. bAvAjInA celAe zeThane
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________________ ra3ra * saMgIti kahyuM ke, "cAlo to pAMDavaguphA ane siddhaguphA batAvuM." e celo pote sAthe AvavA taiyAra thayo. amArI maMDaLI AkhI cAlavA mAMDI. AgaLa celo ane pAchaLa ame. koI rasto nahoto, tema keDI paNa nahotI. jaMgalI pahADa khUMdatAM khUMdatAM cAlavA lAgyA. samaya baporanA traNa pachIno hato. tApa to hato, paNa khullI havAne lIdhe zItaLatA hovAthI tApa takalIpha kare tevo na hato. sArI rIte jamelA eTale saune tarasa lAgI; pANI sAthe nahi lIdheluM. celAne tarasanI vAta karI eTale e kahe, "ahIM pANI maLavAno saMbhava nathI. paNa cAlo, ahIM eka nAnuM evuM jharaNa Tapake che. thoDuM thoDuM pANI maLaze ane gaLuM bhInuM thaze." ame badhA celAnI pAchaLa pAchaLa e jharaNA tarapha vaLyA. kharekhara te jarA jarA TapakatuM hatuM. badhAe khobe khobe thoDuM thoDuM pANI pIdhuM. pachI pelI guphAo jovA ame sau celAnI pAchaLa cAlavA lAgyA. kaI Rtu hatI te yAda nathI, paNa ajavALiyuM pUrabahAramAM khIlyuM hatuM te barAbara yAda che. sAMja paDavA AvI chatAM eka paNa guphA dekhAI nahIM, paNa celo to AgaLa ne AgaLa cAlato rahyo. pelA jharaNA pAsethI te kharekhara rasto ja bhUlI gayelo. paNa te kazuM ja bolyo nahIM ane jANe rasto khoLato hoya tema AgaLa cAlavA lAgyo. have to caMdranI jayotsA khIlI nIkaLI hatI ane ame badhA paNa samajayA ke bhUlA paDyA chIe. paNa javuM kyAM tenI kazI khabara na paDe. celo amAro netA eTale enI pAchaLa ja cAlavuM rahyuM. rasto to kyAMthI hoya ? paNa koI keDI paNa nahIM. moTA moTA patharA ThekavAnA, ne banne bAju saghana choDavA; temAMthI pasAra thatAM zarIra to cholAvA mAMDyuM ane kapaDAM paNa cirAvA lAgyAM. vacce UMcA UMcA patharA Ave te upara caDI javAnuM ane pAchuM ThekIne nIce UtaravuM ke kUdI paDavAnuM. kyAMka kyAMka pAMca pAMca ke dasa dasa ke tethIya vadhAre phUTa UMcA patharA UbhA hoya. tenI upara dhIre dhIre caDavuM athavA chalAMga mArIne caDavuM ane je vege caDyA te ja vege nIce paDatuM mUkavuM. kyAMka kyAMka sUIne cAlavuM paDe, kayAMka kayAMka besI besIne paNa cAlavAnuM Ave. Ama ne Ama rAtanA agiyAra vAgyA; paNa raheThANano patto na lAgyo. jamyA pachI eka ja vAra pelA jharaNAmAMthI thoDAM TIpAM pANI maLeluM te ja mApha. pachI to cAlyA ja karavAnuM AvyuM.
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________________ jijIviSA 0 233 pANI vagere koIne sAMbharatuM nahotuM. kema karIne raheThANa sudhI pahoMcAya toya ganImata. premacaMda zeTha bhAre suMvALA. temane Avo anubhava to kyAMthI hoya? paNa duHkha sahana karavAnI Teva to kharI. mArI to nAnapaNathI garIbI ane zrI jinavijayajI to sAdhubAvA thayelA ane pachI muni thayelA eTale emane paNa kaSTa sahevAnI Teva kharI. vaLI pote jAte kSatriya eTale zaurya paNa kharuM. mAtra eka zeTha sukomaLa; paNa ahIM zuM thAya? badhA ja cUpacApa, kazuM ja bolyA vinA rasto kApatA hatA. Ama cAlatAM cAlatAM rAtanA be vAgyA. zeTha pAse ghaDiyALa hatI, eTale samayanI khabara paDelI. nIcANamAM parvatanI jhADImAM kayAMka pahoMcelA. paNa sthaLa na sUjhe. caMdrano sarasa prakAza eTale badhuM dekhAya kharuM eTalI paramezvaranI maherabAnI. pachI to ame darakhAsta mUkI, ke "have ahIM ja dhAmA nAkho. AsapAsathI lAkaDAM vINI lAvo ane bhaDako karo, eTale nirAMte besAya ane bhaDakAne lIdhe koI jaMgalI janAvara pAse na Ave." sau jAgatA rahevAnA hatA; UMgha AvavAno saMbhava ja na hato. paNa celo kaheH "ApaNe ahIM nathI rahevuM. AgaLa ne AgaLa cAlo, eTale raheThANa AvI jaze." ene kAMI khabara na hatI, paNa te ema ne ema ja gapa mArato hato. te paNa bicAro duHkhI to thayo, paNa tene to pahADamAM AthaDavAnI Teva eTale harakata nahIM. vaLI te to gharabAra choDIne celo thayela eTale tene AgaLa ulALa nahIM ane pAchaLa dharALa nahIM; tema pAchaLa koI ronAra paNa nahIM. paNa amArI saunI dazA enAthI taddana judI hatI. mAthe kuTuMbanI javAbadArI, saMzodhananA kAmanI javAbadArI. zeThanI mAthe paNa potAnA bahoLA kuTuMbanI, vepAravyavahAranI ane potAnI be patnIonI paNa javAbadArI. Ama chatAM koI akaLAtuM nahotuM. paNa have AgaLa cAlavAnI hiMmata ochI thaI gayelI. baporanA traNasADAtraNa vAgyethI cAlavA mAMDeluM te atyAre rAtanA be vAgyAthI paNa vadhAre rAta bhAMgelI, eTale A galImAM ja rAta pUrI karavAnI vAta karI. paNa te celAnA mAnyAmAM na AvI. pachI to suvANe-kasuvANe cAlavuM ja rahyuM. eTale ame badhAM to mAtra eka jijIviSAne jore ja AgaLa vadhavA lAgyA. evAmAM uparathI koI sAdhue amArA paDachAyA joyA. e sAdhu rAte kyAMthI
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________________ 234 * saMgIti Avyo haze ne potAnI jagyAmAMthI bahAra nIkaLyo haze? amAre mana e ajANyo hato, paNa amane jivADavA ja paramezvare tenuM dhyAna amArA paDachAyA tarapha kema jANe doryuM na hoya teNe to jyAM Ubho hato tyAMthI jorathI bUma pADI ke, "elA, koNa cho? Ama kyAM maravA jAo cho ?" A sAMbhaLIne amArAmAMnA koIe kahyuM ke, "ame bhUlA paDyA chIe ane amAre gorakhamaDhI pAse amuka mahaMtanA makAnamAM javuM che." A sAMbhaLIne pelA sAdhue jorathI kahyuM ke, "tame jayAM cho tyAM ja UbhA raho. huM nIce tamArI pAse AvuM chuM ane tamane rasto batAvI, tame jayAM UtaryA cho te mahaMtanI mahUlI pAse mUkI jAuM chuM." A sAMbhaLI ame sau tarata ja ekadama thaMbhI gayA. vIsa-pacIsa miniTamAM to phAnasa laIne amArI pAse e AvI gayo ane amane sIdho saraLa pagathiyAvALo rasto batAvI dIdho. tyAMthI ame jhapATAbaMdha cAlavA lAgyA. ame Azare rAtanA traNeka vAgye pelA mahaMtanI maDhulIe pahoMcyA; thAkIne lothapotha thaI gayelA. atyAra sudhI to cAlavAnuM joma hatuM, paNa have to e paNa na rahyuM. beThA tyAMthI UbhuM ja na thavAya; paga cAlavAnI ja nA pADe. page goTalA caDI gayA. thoDo visAmo laI paheluM kAma pANI pIvAnuM karyuM. bIjA vize mane kazuM yAda rahyuM nathI, paNa mArI potAnI vAta mane barAbara yAda che, ke meM to pANIno bharelo ghaDo ja moDhe mAMDyo ane dharAI dharAIne pANI pIdhuM. mahaMtajIe amAre mATe gAdalA patharAvIne rAkhyA hatA, eTale jhaTa UMghabhegA thaI gayA. savAre kAM'ka kaLa vaLI. pelA celAjI kahe : "have cAlo, e guphAo tathA bIjI guphAo batAvavA sAthe AvuM." ame ghasIne nA pADI. ene bicArAne utsAha hato, paNa ame bho khAI gayelA eTale tenI joDe javAnI to nA pADI. zrI jinavijayajI ane zeTha to jovAnA rasiyA hatA, eTale emaNe hA pADatAM huM paNa sAthe joDAyo. pachI to savAramAM zauca, dAtaNapANI karI, thoDo nAsto laI, badhA UpaDyA guphAo jovA. cidAnaMdajInI ane bIjI evI aneka guphAo joI. guphAnuM moTuM kyAMka sAMkaDuM ne kayAMka pahoLuM. aMdara thoDo-ghaNo prakAza Ave tevI sagavaDa kharI. koI guphA to aMdarathI rItasara caNelI dekhAI. guphAmAM pesatAM kyAMka sUIne pesavuM paDe ane kayAMka besIne pesavuM paDe. guphAmAM koI jaMgalI pazu to nahIM hoya--enI khAtarI karavA ame ekabAju dUra
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________________ jijIviSA - 235 UbhA rahIne moTA avAjo karIe, ane pachI ja praveza karIe. sAthe jhagamagatI beTarIno dIvo rAkhela kharo. savAranA pahora hato, eTale bhaya jevuM kazuM hatuM nahIM. guphAo joIne amane ema to jarUra lAgyuM ke AmAM rahevuM, sthira citte dhyAna karavuM ane nirbhaya rahevuM e baccAnA khela nathI. A mATe to moTA moTA chAtIkaDhA paNa taiyAra thaI zake nahIM. paNa pachI to ame AThadaseka guphAo pharI vaLyA ane maDhulImAM pAchA pharI jamI lIdhuM. pachI paravArI, sTezana bhegA thaI gayA. zeTha to pahoMcyA bhAvanagara. munijI mAre tyAM rAjakoTa AvelA, paNa vadhAre na rokAyA. teo te vakhate "gujarAta purAtattva maMdiranA AcArya hatA. jo ke zeThane ane munijIne zarIre sArI rIte ujharaDA thayelA, cholAyeluM ane lohI paNa nIkaLela, chatAM temane koI kuTuMbIe ke mitre A zuM thayuM, evuM kazuM pUchyuM haze ke kema tenI mane khabara nathI. paNa mAre ghera pahoMcyA pachI vaLate divase jyAre huM nA'vA beTho tyAre mArI patnIe mAruM zarIra jotAM ja jarA acaMbo pAmI, mArAM mAtAjIne kahyuM ke, "mA! AmanuM zarIra to juo. giranAramAM vAghavaru sAthe laDAI thaI hoya ane lohIluhANa thayA hoya evuM lAge che. te to kazuM bolatA nathI ane hasyA kare che." pachI mArI mA pAse AvyAM ane Ama thavAnI kharI hakIkata kahevAnI mane sUcanA karI. eTale garama pANIe nAhI, thAka utArI, badhI vAta temane vigatathI kahI saMbhaLAvI. mane paNa A prasaMge ema to lAgyuM, ke jijIviSA na hota to ghare pAchA pahoMcAta ke kema? vaLI paramezvare pelA sAdhune rasto batAvavA na mokalyo hota to zA hAla thAta? ame je UMcA UMcA paththaro ThekelA tethI to amane ThekanArAne ja e vakhate acaMbo thAya ke A zI rIte ThekI zakAya? jANI joIne ThekavA jaIe to te kadI ja na ThekI zakAya evA ane eTalA badhA UMcA hatA. paNa paramezvare mANasanA manamAM jijIviSA mUkelI che enI ja A banAva sAbitI che. - janakalyANa, phebru. - 1967