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I have to simply admit that we are susceptible to disease, that prevention is never a guarantee. This is where the equanimity to pain, that Jainism teaches, but is so difficult to practice, comes in. The sufferings of birth, disease, old age, and death are the noble truths that catalyzed Buddha's search for enlightenment. This is an every day stuff of medicine, (especially my field, family medicine) and most doctors are far from being Buddha. I can only hope to live and learn equanimity, from and for, others and myself.
Mom, I respect and love you, for all your human shortcomings. I am grateful that you do not pressure me to live life your way, though you've hinted at what you want me to do. I know you struggle with loneliness now that both your children have grown up and are living away from home. You worry about when and whom I'll marry. I know you also worry that I won't take care of you when you need me, as far as I already am away from you now. I cannot promise you that I will be there for you at exactly the moment of any potential pain, or that I can ease it. I couldn't promise you that even if I lived with you for the rest of your life. I also can't preach to you about equanimity, because I don't really know what it is. I can only hope to support you as I better define my path in life.
Love,
Jina
(Jina Shah is in her final year of training in Family Practice at Williamsport, PA)
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